Relationship Adversity in Early Parenthood among Gay, Lesbian, and Heterosexual Couples Who Adopt Through the Child Welfare System
Year: 2014
Type: conference-paper
Abstract: Josie, a lesbian who was placed with an infant boy, explained: "It's very difficult for us because we can only have him watched by certain people as per the DCS [Department of Child Services] regulations.You have to be CORI [Criminal Offender Record Information] checked and yada yada.So we don't have many options for babysitters; it takes time to coordinate."In addition, 12% of participants (n = 10) described struggling with their child as the main focus of their attention.Rusty, a gay man who had been placed with a school-age boy, stated, "I definitely think we're probably not as close as we were, because so much of the focus is on Joey." Placement of Child Has Created Shifts in RolesMany participants discussed family role shifts and challenges as a result of placement.Ten parents (12% of the sample) described struggling with having a different parental role from their partners.For example, Callie, a lesbian who was placed with a school-age girl, stated, "I feel like the burden of responsibility falls often to me [in terms of] chores and taking care of [daughter]."In addition, 5% (n = 4) experienced differences between partners in desire to parent or disrupt the placement.For instance, Avery, a lesbian who had been placed with a teenage girl (whose placement later disrupted), explained, "Lindsay has discovered how badly she wants to be a mom.I have discovered how badly I don't want to be a mom."Finally, 5% (n = 4) described challenges related to differences between partners in their ability/willingness to bond to their child (without legal security of a finalized adoption).For example, Susan, a heterosexual woman who had been placed with a teenage girl, felt it was best to stay "standoffish" and resented her husband for allowing himself to bond despite the legal insecurity.For two couples, disagreement about whether to move ahead with parenting represented a fatal threat to the intimate relationship; they ultimately separated.Child's Behavior is Causing Stress to Our Relationship Participants also described their child(ren)'s behaviors as causing stress to their intimate relationships.Specifically, 21% (n = 18) said their child was more attached to one parent than the other, and 9% (n = 8) noted that at times their child was "splitting" them.Esther, a heterosexual woman who was placed with an older school-age girl, and whose marriage ultimately ended, said, "We've had some pretty nasty arguments.And then one of us will say, 'Wait a minute, she's doing this splitting thing quite well.'"Getting Help: Use and Benefits of Support Services in the Post-Placement Period Many parents (see Table 2) reached out for formal support (i.e., therapy, support groups) during the post-placement period to address familial stress and the strain that the transition to adoptive parenthood had placed on their relationship with each other.Additionally, sexual minority parents found that therapy was a useful medium to engage in dialogue with their child(ren) about what it meant to be placed with a same-sex couple.Marcos, who had been placed with a school-age boy, stated, "The counselor asked him what he thought about. ..two dads, and his comment was that two dads meant two belts.So he was a little fearful."
Language: English
Topic: Child Welfare and Adoption
Subfield: Safety Research
Field: Social Sciences
Domain: Social Sciences
Open Access status: green
OpenAlex ID: W102311586