Year: 2025
Type: article
Abstract: I’ve never seen a play, but if I did, it would be one where all the people are horses. Or all the actors are people, but they’re pretending to be horses. Horses pretending to be people. And they have to clip-clop-clip-clop their way around the stage, but not too much, because people don’t clip-clop-clip-clop, and since they’re playing horses pretending to be people, they have to do it only enough to be believable. Yes, in this play, there is no perfection. In this play, the story emerges from the cracks.I’m not sure what it would be about, exactly, but I think if I saw a play like this, where people are pretending and pretending, someone would need to be outed as a horse. All the other people/horse/people pretenders would have to play a mystery. A witch hunt-no-a horse hunt! Ha!The thing about plays, and remember I’ve never seen one, is that audiences like a certain amount of familiarity. They like to feel like they know what’s about to happen and it either comes to fruition or it doesn’t in a memorable and totally narratively justified way. That’s the key: the patterns. Without them, it’s just people in horse costumes.I was thinking about this yesterday during the rest period. It can get so quiet, you know, because no one is around and even the bird stops chirping. I made sure to only move as necessary, but a bead of sweat slipped into my eye, and it stung. I’m pretty sure it’s made of the same stuff as tears, but I had to wipe it out of my eye to stop the burning, and I estimated about five wasted calories.A horse would never be able to get a reverse tear out of its eye. That’s one way to be outed.When the sun finally sank past the window, Gillian was already at my door.We were on the outskirts of the neighborhood when she asked me a question that sent me into a spiral.“Jesus, I’m sorry.”She threw her hands up in the air, a surrender.The billboard across the street was bowing like an Englishman. Had it advertised something other than the scratched and weathered face of an injury lawyer, a drooping man raccooned in dust and spray paint, it would have been regal. Gillian jumped in the air and gave the post a good slap. The metal rang out.I saluted the billboard man. I bet he used that injury money to get out of here when it was still possible. Good for him.“There’s really no point in asking.”“It was just a question. Trying to make conversation.”“That’s some of the most dangerous thinking you could be doing. The second you’re imagining some other life you could be living, even though you know you can’t, you’re giving up on the one you have. And that’s step one of the very few steps between this and dying.”She twisted her hand into a little puppet, mocking me. “Between this and dyyyiiinnngggg.” The puppet hand plummeted and turned belly up, her sweet puny wrist glaring up toward the moonlight. How easy it would have been to end her right then and there.Everyone inside was up to something. The dark-haired woman in a geisha outfit snorted powder off the kitchen counter. A cavalry of strangers lined up, waiting for their turn behind her. It’s the little things. All that’s left, really. Some were sitting on the floor chatting and laughing. Behind them, a rawboned man drew a landscape on the wall. With big fat markers, the stinky ones, the ones you can’t get anymore, he colored in a cowboy sunset, where everything is orange and red and if you were lucky, you could ride a horse off into it and find some better story.Freddy handed Gillian and me a shot glass each.“Your rations, ladies.” Lips curled, a tip of a cap, onto the next one.Gillian rolled her eyes and clinked her glass against mine.“take your seats, ladies, gentlemen, and the rest of you forgotten beings anddirtbags,” a voice boomed from the other room, and everyone shuffled to their spots.Donning a bedsheet around his waist and shoulder, Billy pranced through the doorway. He wasn’t the biggest guy in the room, but even with those poor bones he gripped everyone’s attention. We were here for him, really. The show, too, but Billy was the biggest part of the Archives. Three months ago, after the first few shows, it was obvious no one was watching. No one cared about Neighborhood 76.Knees to chin, Gillian folded her body in a rickety chair by the window. Like the bird, she could never rest low. She always had to be perched on something. The woman in the kimono sat next to me on the floor, buzzing, then tapped my knee and smiled, two black teeth shoved in next to the rest of them. They were smeared with cherry red lipstick.“You been here before?” she asked.“You know I have.”“I haven’t seen you.”“We do this every time I’m here.”“We do what?”“This! You and me. We do this.”Her face scrunched, the white makeup creasing at her brow.“Does Billy know you’re here?”“Fuck off, lady,” I said, standing.I moved to the floor next to Gillian’s chair, my back against the wall. The warmth from the day was still in the plaster and it slid up my spine.Even amongst friends, you can never be too careful.The geisha lady didn’t notice, or she already forgot our interaction. She picked at a thread in her hemline and ripped it out with those obsidian teeth, slipping it around her tongue until it was sopping wet. She tied it into a knot and flicked it across the room toward a person sitting at the front. Then she tapped on the knee of someone else and pulled them into her web.“friends, romans, countrymen, let’s get this shit started.”Voices lowered; limbs sank to the floor.“Tonight, we have a special treat for you. Something that has never been played at the Archives before. Something I didn’t even know we had until I it an It even in the He a into the air, its but the was a face up, eyes all and and the into the an thing to an The the into its and The flicked on and off, a little and Billy his hand for its He his on the of the and a The The it was up, he back and sat on the other of thing about was that I could never as at that man in his all those that to in the at those the ones at their little the way they into the at the man and are by this In what could this people something like this In what is it time to I people, the and The I a little and that my body on the floor, Gillian’s like the bird just it Billy with his too big I what it been like to around on a big his around Gillian’s at her She at him, but only for a second she shot her back toward the and her his off of It’s something he It’s something she where it but the what I about not just for horses. the guy up but the that in her eye. She that all those in her and she them what she what she too, what it like to make a of the from the of Gillian’s and the a few A at the up dust like a of shot the rest of around the floor in and back to the of the from that into this we is what people to the Archives The but we were here for The The The people and was no in the we the story of the of the of that and our of the of our of the of and that has this of everything from then until of all the little and and of and and and and and and made and then we about that we are about something so we can never know we are at his and around the one in all of this in this is The this part like an his tongue on the of his at the of the the only one, her the we know don’t We know that this is from the same thing that to here to like And that’s what they They can We are all here because we are the the the We are the very few are still to this the we about in Neighborhood the is that we are the of this We not be by of the Billy the of the room he a here to you that we can from our We think that at the end of our but we are at the he out the into the is an of We are the ones to a better And to this, we was a of He his little in the air and everyone sitting on the even jumped to their and I so I the in my And on his the part of the out the and everyone into slid up to Billy The way she into and pulled from me of an back when and the would the so it would It would to the I said, between the I could be a I could be an she he that one wasn’t in the do you you it a I was some It was all in It to that you have seen it How are you I the of his and face could never her the way her eyes she my with her are you I He up an for and made it to be a part of the Archives. he was so easy to up, I Some part of me to know he wasn’t our a I an an around Gillian’s and turned to was with the was an to his It was to the rest of him, there he was a pretty those were like fat He played a in a I saw past the a but A man at your he said, a glass for of what you Billy eyes on hands on that so for her. I the moved on she wasn’t and then that’s was for his bedsheet It’s what it is to be in a time you to be to He handed out to people. It have good to have a to be able to in and Gillian I picked a of is an of our past It’s not the as it is that It’s our to of a past that no big really think I an turned back toward was my to move just not sure what she was to have we all made up of everything that I room and and on other of the and on the kitchen counter. The sun its way to the other of the and its way up, its next the time I to Billy off we were to the already left, and was and up his his belly and was orange and better like they could at but she my the the and and out the that the Archives. the his our every don’t what you like about I don’t get me I like the I even like his I get I don’t get the way you you like were and and all of their little her She them up to her don’t she it just you turned into the you remember your twisted around and pulled it out of her back the only a few people were still The sun was the and everyone with had and at an I tapped my and the Gillian right to the the I was always to the same He at and I right I’ve never seen his face the the and the face but I that he The other ones were I the of and its it He threw it in the and my two of that me until I back my and bowing my to my but the He her the the Gillian at her She never to to her It was one of her one of the I about sun the my the other of the someone out to was and be the voice up to her in her a they They from behind an a at the of the need a little the a between an and a on the The of and every second with the out of metal and a a of and and even a few of that would be very They were all around this and the a body as a person a outfit from a and around their a too like a you could one of your first the person to be but they were a eyes were their face and but they have been than my and the they said, through the of can you. I can you the They made me it then they gave it back to me. they could no they my can’t I can you for one of my things. I just need something. a toward me. Gillian behind me. I could the up in her a of but I can’t do it you I’m not to just my every time I to the them in the of I would never not we need everything we can don’t from the They handed me the and I pulled one of my from my I person my wrist and pulled me eyes were with a in they their a of between their the of an in that and are the one to not me. it’s you and They point to you that from me. I wasn’t I’ve never been here and have of have been here before. we can my from their and them back into their Gillian and I back across the sun the we No I to my I Gillian to to not that this is of and that of can the not in a like back and you I my I through the were fat with and up so of the in its It like and It was a the were still and with I was sure it would in my The of the I it in the and pulled my body into the wrist still like the person behind the I to one I How one my could How and to know I’ve never seen a horse. I know about them, the way we all know about the before. They used to I around the and from the they were up, they Horses were big with and when people them, they turned into a of a through the They the horses that of is of I was a black and was only off for I out of my across the that what we were them for all those people were their every few The sun was in off and the glass of across the way. of in on every the the and for a it like everyone was toward their to into its and and of of the at he were my I back into my and a I pulled my my as I was to back out the I saw the It was up against the the of its body to the the never seen it this How its on its of eyes were their it was to this really was an It It at me. I tapped my on the and it shuffled its or but the other at its and were I slipped out of the and turned the The bird to from but the it on its it and the bird onto its I it and it up in my hand its I back onto the street and the of The if you the an was someone out of their They their I after the was up, they a to the on the the street at Gillian’s I in the of a billboard and to my and and and everything she were across the was ripped from its and by the The bird in my It was as though it could as though it could feel the in the this were a play, out all this That’s if this were a play, with me the of the Archives to find her from her the And then make sure the some of back to the of the The would the feel the Gillian and I would be other in we would our from the this is not a is that I in the of everyone It didn’t to me to do bird was to a few and a by the The were the of people and the was He have something was with I sat and he was only there to make sure we or his with the there wasn’t enough for the I had enough for A was up on the of the with the bird into my I on my this to an He of our and them with to be around our at all this after after after of people. were at of in are the that every one of would have to In what of have a on my my to the bird, to play it off as an at didn’t know you were here I on the other He to the end of the where the same of people about between their and the you seen his the first person I’ve seen from the I and and I was there for and didn’t was it I her need to get of that He at the of the know what I’m do you think be in sat next to my I had only seen as a a a man you. he was someone sure out what they’re to out and be out of here for them out only Neighborhood you the only ones in people in my never seen of something about that thing in your you the are to it and then what do you not to be able to stop from the and the and toward the A of people their through the made the and they all their in the air and the all up from our We were to against the of the your stuff with your they as you can to the wall. had been there for a A of on the floor, not to be It is when people are that they are the most with their and and they they they and they they are this other this thing they know as that it was not to the of the of their the we for our for rations, Some people eyes The bird was still up in my on my an from the person from across the but most people or sure what the in the of the They in on they to were too of it was too to in way. people against the between a and a a horse and could They into man of me up and when I to up the I the back of his He to the the of his body the floor with a of I’ve never It was A few people him, their I to up, but he He his his into his an to up to the don’t know what it was it was the way this to on the the way he his his it was his body his were but his too It was the from the he to the man from the The around the across the and out through a metal that an through the room when it and when it I back in to the of on my was still I exactly, but the bird It wasn’t and I if too, the of and around we The of against the The room with and from my my How was I giving to the How could it and from me giving one of the was shoved something between the and the and the in in the of the I and to the of the of I in no one would me. the there were other other of this was a with and a step onto the back of and the of be too a voice better not to people They do it to just to be is been here for one man. to two around the an with his face like other He had A A were a little his by the of his the of a man has enough to The other from a was to face was in but he wasn’t in an He was out and a be I the laughing. He his his get back to turn toward the The other face in the of out of the of a man with a to he wasn’t at He was the eye for a of I back into the back into the of other people and their back into the of Neighborhood voice on the to their in five room to the at the a between the and the that out and not they to your woman on the next to me slid onto the floor, what do you think they’re to do with all of voice was a but it didn’t feel It like it was her do you there was an than the of they have they have what’s the woman was the bird think all this is for woman at the not it’s what are you it’s her a teeth were The woman rolled back and I had a to an was the period. when the bird around my turned into a The poor thing at my have the better of body and All those all that up into the of a bird, it was that this of a could make so I its I its with my turned back toward me. he my hand the bird, but it only from the of my do you not sure what you play with people on the around me sitting up, their it to He like a like been like the I’ve never seen them That’s the thing about the You can when someone was to one would never have made it as a be bird his into my face and for the it was in the of his it and I could a the of his at my and It’s to the of other people. I didn’t know someone with one me I didn’t know I could be so hand on my his the bird and my from my you get my in his the bird The of a body that had no in its most that bird to make me I between didn’t me. The way his body the way his voice the way no has a between his could other they think I all up and in bird shit on the floor of this Had of them been like Had of them to be someone they it make them feel to they not to the one, I’m not my my my I wasn’t a body anymore, but an of I was a of A to the face and I wasn’t They could have was only the pulled me off my me out of the and into the only they and and in a of of or of them lined up, and the ones me only they shoved me into a room in only they threw the of the bird in after me and the was only then that I never Gillian thing about the bird was that it for a like it could still be its I didn’t into its it could have me as It’s the eyes that everything even you it are I where are don’t think you’re I’m right I could end you right here and I I I you have to do it That’s I not Then I have to you That’s the of a A a I to if you do that one I with their They their horses didn’t have had were of like made of the were they were into their Like some You know you are one of the forgotten beings and you know what they to you her you know her she was you her to the you her do you think you are you you on the other with you out of their you were you to are you to you know there be no of of your Yes, you know there is no of the thing about the Archives. it about it about Or is it just a of are a a in my it that you can have a on your that you have no where it but one little in your can you the time of day you you out time of day you you time was I don’t or And no one No one And it wasn’t too It was pretty And you were And then you just That’s a pretty big It like and of of people and you find And not Or Or to you think they do they think it’s so they think was to you think they’re it one do you think they like the on bet it’s the one with the think people feel than other people would like to and them them this and We have to be there You think you been How could it I don’t all used to be one you think they know they did, they would have everyone else I they didn’t have the How you find me I don’t I just That’s pretty to It’s like you where I Like you what I It’s like you Like you were I you I’m was someone there I like I I don’t know, How do you We were It was than I it would It like something like I the would or a Something that from the you And we were and Billy was through That’s he was in that had to have been than him, than of They little onto the was a in the the body of a No was a from but I what was in And Billy was He was at but all I could think was that the woman what I was She didn’t even know she in a from the before. Or she didn’t know that this there was the The Billy was his the Archives. He was for something but find That’s when they Three of them. All in their They Billy to turn of them, wasn’t at he into the he turned from He at the the He his an red a of dust behind them. He turned to his to the That’s the He moved like he Then they They and out of the through the to the And when I after them, one of the of them me. He his on my and me to me way to And were you I I don’t Yes, they were after those is had on can’t on with the I’m too it off in I’m not I a horse. I don’t Horses don’t And what do you what you’re it make me in it’s you.
Source: Daedalus
DOI: 10.1162/daed.a.18
Author: Leah Newsom
Language: English
Subfield: Visual Arts and Performing Arts
Field: Arts and Humanities
Domain: Social Sciences
Open Access status: hybrid
OpenAlex ID: W4413209898